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Hungry, Tired, Neutral

Yesterday was another neutral day. Like if normally I operate in static and chaos, neutral is a good place to be instead. I don't really know what a "good" day would feel like but maybe this is it? Anyway. I did notice I was getting tired a lot yesterday though but I think this is food related which is concerning because I'm hoping these drugs don't make me fat again...I picked up McDonalds burritos on my way to work and ate one before I got there, and stuck the other in my fridge. I had the second one around 11:30am. I snacked on these Nerds gummy snack things throughout the day and then ate a peanut butter pack around 4:00pm. At about 5:30pm I had leftover pork loin and fried zucchini. About 6:30pm I had a maple donut. So the calorie intake is through the roof for me, but also the sugar in take. But I feel like I am craving the sugar because I am not having the caffeine.


I got a lot of work tasks complete yesterday - no anxiety, no issues. The vibe at the office is extremely off. I feel like everyone is more and more miserable by the day. Like the delusion everyone normally operated under and the loyalty they felt with the owners is dwindling. We had a consultant come in and talk to the staff, but it seems like them vocalizing their feelings and concerns has only removed their rose colored glasses and everyone realizes how much this place sucks and all of the empty promises. It's disappointing to say the least. But, this didn't effect my neutral mood or productivity.


I drove home and still felt moderately energized and clear. I picked up the dogs and went home to knock out the Notoriety work I've been avoiding. Unfortunately I did smoke again to get the work done so I seriously need to come up with a different solution. It effects my resting heart rate anywhere from 4 to 10 BPM the days following when I smoke per my Fitbit. Pretty interesting. But I put my last load of laundry away and had all of the busy work done by 8:00pm. I went back to my mom's house and watched Ninja Warrior, then I went home and went to bed by 9:30pm.


Having the mental clarity is making it easier to not stress about any of my work and budget my time accordingly so I at least have the option of doing nothing if I want to. Short entry I guess because nothing of note really happened, but nothing is also good.


I am not a doctor. I cannot recommend (or the opposite of recommend) the taking of any medication. This is just my experience and a documentation of the encounters related. If you are having any dark or negative thoughts, please seek professional help and consult a physician.

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